Xjyuk

I'm writing a scene in which for characters play a high stakes poker game. So far my narrator has been an omniscient third person, who just does not wish to enter into the characters heads.

I started going around the table. I have the fingers fumbling with the corners of the cards, the tapping of cigars on the greasy tablecloth and the occasional sip of liquor. I even added background crickets and the smell of freshly cut grass. Then I slowly uncovered the hand, and went on with the bidding. It feels gimmicky. Dull.

Do I need to show the characters thoughts in order to get some believable tension? Can it be done with a mere description? Is it the timing, or perhaps I'm not focusing on the right elements?

In one question: how to slowly and credibly rise the tension using pure description (no dialogue) as a poker game unfolds on the table (two rounds at most)?

You don't need to show the characters thoughts to know what they are thinking. Well written body language should be enough. Instead of portraying standard card playing behavior, give your characters individual tells and gestures.

Player A sips water instead of liquor.
Player B twists his wedding band, it's missing a stone.

Player C keeps staring at Player D's well manicured hands
Player E is allergic to fresh cut grass, he's rubbing his watering eyes, trying to stay focused on the game.

Put things in the setting that are unusual, but not to distracting. If they are playing in private room in a classy casino, there might be a crayon sitting on a side table. One of the characters notices it, then looks back at his cards.

If you are playing in a greasy bar, get rid of the greasy table cloth, make it pristine white. Then when you tap your cigar on it, let the ashes spill across it.

How are you characters interacting with each other? who are they avoiding eye contact with, who are they smiling at?

You can use pacing to help hold the tension. Keep you sentences short, but not choppy. The more specific you are with your descriptions the better the imagery will be.

What you describe in the question sounds perfectly fine to me. So if other people are telling you (or you're telling yourself) that it's not quite right, the problem isn't what you're doing, it's how you're doing it.

After all, some people love to watch TV coverage of poker games. There the narrator can only describe what the camera sees, and maybe add some outside information (like a player's history). There's no way to know what's happening in the players' heads.

While adding in POVs from different characters might work great, it could also be very confusing and busy and turn the reader off. Do it only if there's a strong reason for it and not because you're worried the narrator you have is too dull.

For those who like watching poker (not being one of them, I can only guess), I assume they get to know the players some. The way that watching the Olympics is more fun if you know some of the backstories of the top competitors (how he slipped on the ice half a second before the finish line 4 years ago and lost the gold, how she trained in a country that doesn't even get snow and still made the Olympics). But pausing the action to stick in one more "heartwarming" story is enough to make you barf (don't do this).

So get to know the characters ahead of time (I don't know your story so I am guessing you do this but I don't actually know). We need to know what's at stake for each character as s/he plays. Reputation? Money? Proving something? or? Then each change in the cards and bets has meaning.

The sounds, smells, sights, and physicality of the scene you describe help set the mood. Not just for the reader but for the characters. You can also show what some of the characters are feeling by their actions and what they do and don't notice. Distracted, nervous, focused.

When you're done writing it, show it to someone you trust to tell you the truth. See what does and doesn't work and write it again.

Ditch the omniscient viewpoint

Tension comes from the unknown possibilities. By using an omniscient viewpoint the readers don't feel any of the tension the characters do because they already know the outcome. Instead I would use an 'over-the-shoulder' 3rd person view.

You don't need to get inside a characters head, just show things from their point of view. If the readers know only one hand and have to rely on actions and cues from the other characters in the scene there will be tension from the unknown.

Add more rounds

You said "two rounds at most", this is completely unrealistic for real poker. Poker is a game of growing odds and tension over hours and dozens of rounds (hands). To show the growing tension I would suggestion description 1-2 hands at the start and then skipping over a few to the key hands.

The first step to make this seem tense and exciting is to make it seem believable. Research actual high stakes poker games and how they played out. Avoid "fluke" wins where possible and try to keep the game realistic.

Once you have a believable game you can show the increasing tensions by describing the events below. There are likely others but these are a good start:

• Increasing bets


• Diminishing chip stack of MC


• Non-critical players being eliminated


• Increasing number of spectators


• Increasing the time taken per bet/turn

Focus on the people not the cards

Describing a series of card draws, bets, checks and reveals will feel lame or gimmicky. The thing that makes games like poker interesting is the people who are playing it, their reactions to the game and the by-play between them. Focus most of your attention on the reactions to the cards that are played. Who flinched, who smiled, who didn't even blink? matildalee23's answer has several other good examples.

Use traditional plot elements to drive the tension

The five elements of plot conflict are a staple of good story telling. You can use them on a smaller scene scale as well.

1. Exposition: the opening hands, players are feeling each other out, no big bets but possibly a few bluffs.


2. Rising action: bets increasing, players eliminated, the key players are revealed.


3. Climax: The big hand, often this will mean someone is all in but it doesn't have to be. Cliche would have the MC throw in the thing they can't afford to lose to meet a big bet.


4. Falling action: the closing hands, finish out the game but the likely conclusion is known now.


5. Resolution: What happens next? This game meant something what are the outcomes?

Clearly if this game is bigger than just a game you can end the game itself at any point. Your climax could result in someone pulling a weapon or flipping the table, some kind of breaking point for the growing tension.

Have the MC play the players more than the game. Poker players need to minimize their body language or bluffing would not work.

I would have a PoV character either in the game or watching surreptitiously over someone's shoulder.

I am integrating a poker scene in mine and will do something like this:

He looked at his cards, jack of hearts and eight of spades. Not even
suited, but he might be able to do something with it. He had the blind
so had to bet anyway.

Leaning back slightly, he noticed that Jeff was caressing his chips -
he had something. Dave was trying to look cool, clear sign he had
nothing at all. Gordon was looking at him, checking for his tells.
What were his?

Dave would have to fold, having nothing, Jeff was the real threat.
Gordon was a bit of an unknown being new to the group. He'd wait for
the flop. The dealer dealt the flop, Ace of Diamonds, four of clubs,
ten of spades.

Jeff was looking like a proud father when he looked at his cards.
Bluff? Did he have the king? Maybe king and queen?

Dave folded, smart play. The odds were against him, math was
unforgiving and statistics were worse. Placing his cards on the table,
he folded. Jeff smiled. Damn.