Xjyuk

I met someone at a party last weekend through our mutual friends. We got along pretty well and realized we had some common interests. We discussed a lot until I was called by a friend to help with the barbecue and when I came back, they'd left (they were not feeling well because of a combination of tiredness and too much drinking).

I really liked talking to them and they told me the feeling was mutual. I'd like to see whether we could become friends. The thing is, I don't know how to tell them I'd like to either chat online or meet - in order to see if we could become friends - without letting them think I'm romantically interested in them. They know I'm married but I didn't have the chance to see whether they were bothered by it because I told them shortly before I left to help my friend. We talked about meeting again for coffee but that was before they knew about my spouse so I don't know whether that was supposed to be a date.

I'd like to befriend them but I don't want them to think something romantic could happen between us. I don't have their number but we're friends on social media. They haven't talked to me online since the party, except when I asked them whether they were feeling okay after leaving because of illness.

How could I tell them that I'd like to keep talking to them and see if we can become friends without letting them think I'm romantically interested in them?

Additional info:

• I've had trouble in the past where I tried to befriend someone who then thought I wanted to date them. I'm autistic and my way of expressing interest in getting to know someone is sometimes likely to be confused with romantic interest.


• If it's not possible to convey my interest in a friendship without seeming romantically interested, then I'd rather not contact them again.


• They told me they're single when we were discussing. I use "they/them" both because I'm not straight (even though I may pass as straight), and I don't know their orientation. I'm married to a straight person and they're from the same gender as my spouse, though.

If you want to meet with someone but don't want them to think you are considering romance, invite them and their partner (if any) to get together with you and your partner / spouse. That makes it clear that nothing is "under the table" or hidden, you are interested in a social encounter rather than a romantic encounter.

This advice is based on personal experience, both from when I was single, and having been with a partner / wife for a number of years.

The best way forward might just be to be direct with them.

"Hey, I really enjoyed our chat at the party, would be great to continue it over that coffee we discussed. I thought we got on really well, and it would be great if we could be friends"